Sometimes everything is perfect.
Sometimes you are happy even when it thunders and when it rains. Blissful even when the sales have slowed and people get scared away because of the rain.
The environment, the other vendors, the customers, the organizers and the fresh peaches all are perfect and everything is smiles and sunshine....even in the rain. This is the pure bliss in life. The kind that just happens and it has nothing to do with trying to make a sale nor does it hinge on a sale or anything else. It is the bliss of doing what you were meant to do and doing your dream.
And then sometimes your bubble is shattered and you must return to the real world and your day job after a week of living the life you now know for sure you were meant to live.
What do you do when you see your dream, and you are even starting to live it, even if it is just in small ways, but you just can't quite do it yet? You must have a place to live and so you must pay your rent and electric bill. So you continue to work a day job - and really, it's a great job and probably somebody else's dream job - but it's a job that is in opposition to your personality and doesn't use your talents and each moment of each day is not quite torture, but closer to torture than to bliss.
I try to make it through each day. I try to live in the moment and take each little event or little drama as a life lesson that will help me with something later on in life. I try to look at each step logically and rationally, instead of emotionally charged. Some days this is extremely difficult. I actually thought it would be easier now that I know what my dream is and am working towards it. But today it wasn't easier. It was harder. Every moment I thought about the jewelry I could be making or how I could be improving my website or I should be taking better photos for my store or making a pamphlet or..... Instead I am working for someone else and doing a job that (albiet it good job and one that I seem to be pretty good at) just isn't for me. I am working toward their goals.
It is difficult, but not impossible to make it through a day job when you want to be living a more artistic life. I have learned to plan things out for B.B. Bellezza in my head during the day and jot down notes for when I get home. I check my email. I make my "to-do" list for the evening. I reward each task I complete for the man at my day job by doing a little task for my business.
And then there are days like today when I am too swamped at work to do any of the above. When I feel so emotionally drained at the end of the day I want to sink and disappear into a deep hole and not come back out. When the verbal abusive is a little more than I can handle after such a wonderful - blissful - week off.
I had to force myself out of the hole. I am looking around my studio/office at the mess and I am letting myself not clean it up - not tonight. I am writing a self-serving blog. Then I will have a bowl of ice cream and go to bed.
Tomorrow is a new day.